Okay so I’ve just finished my olive search, find, and tasting. Come to find out, the grocery store up the road has an impressive selection of Mediterranean cuisine. Okay, cuisine might be an overstatement, mostly it was just an olive bar with some red peppers, tomatoes, and something that should be illegal called Bocconini.
The results are as follows:
Garlic Stuffed- This was a large green olive stuffed with garlic (duh), grown in the northern region of Greece. It had a very firm texture. After tasting, I was immediately greeted with an ocean wave of salt. I’m sure if a cow ate one of these olives it would immediately turn into beef jerky. While the smell reminded me of the concentrated scent of every YMCA locker room in the Northwest, it didn’t taste as half as bad. Rating: 2 olives out of 5.
Stuffed Green Mamouth- ah yes, the love of the martini…lover. Think of the speared olive resting in the delicate martini glass of a James Bond girl. A large green olive with a sweet, meaty, pimento (red thingy that pokes out). I’ve decided that from now I will call the pimento the “Olive prairie dog”, because most people don’t know what pimento means. It was pretty much the same as the garlic olive; salty, green, big, and terrible. I wouldn’t recommend eating this olive before or during a first date. Rating: 2 olives out of 5.
Calabrese Style- a spicy styled olive, its heat derived from a chili marinade. This one had a “pit” in it. Now, I’d like to talk to the Senior Marketing Manager of Olives Worldwide and tell him that they shouldn’t have named the “seed” a “pit”. A pit, in my mind, is a trap that is deep and dark; a pit is something to apply deodorant to; a pit is not something I want to encounter while tasting food. This olive was like biting into a block of salt only to find an acorn in the middle. If the goal of this olive was to hide the spicy flavor with a metric ton of sodium, they were spot on. Rating: 1 olive out of 5
Kalamata – I saved the Kalamata for last because the first three were all green in color; which in my mind, olives should look like. However, the Kalamata is deep purple, which in my mind, olives shouldn’t look like. It had a much softer texture than the previous, and the taste was surprisingly the best of the 4 varieties I tried. Rating: 3 olives out of 5
My overall conclusion is that I can’t imagine where these odd flavors would fit into my diet and somehow add to the enjoyment of my food consumption. I’ll leave the olives to cultured folk for now.